During my mom’s battle with breast cancer, I ended up in a summer program because no one was home to look after me. Every day, they would have us pray; sometimes, it was for my mom, asking God for strength and healing, and other times for someone else. My grandparents had insisted that religion be part of my mom’s upbringing; my grandfather was Catholic, and my grandmother was Jewish. Thankfully, my mom didn’t carry on with those traditions, so we didn’t go to church or pray at home. It was ironic, though, that my stepfather, an abuser, brought us to church a few times; like, somehow, that made it okay.

All the praying made me curious. If people believed in this, I wanted to understand it. So, I decided to dig deeper and learn more about religion, checking out Bibles from different faiths. Over five years, I read seven different Bibles cover to cover and attended various churches, asking questions. But the answers were often vague, dismissive, or accompanied by, “You’re too young to understand.” I wanted to shout, “Just admit you don’t know, or tell me it’s like Santa Claus, and just move on!”

Years later, I revisited some religious texts, even studying with a friend, hoping to find something I’d missed. All I found were contradictions and justifications. It started to feel like religion was merely a tool for control, a way to keep people in line through fear of hell or a false sense of righteousness. I saw abusers get “forgiven” while their victims were left to carry the weight of their sins and navigate guilt and shame alone. It seemed less like a path to salvation and more like a free pass to avoid accountability.

In the end, religion felt like an excuse for people to continue being terrible without any accountability. It was disappointing to witness how everyone picked and chose what to follow and demanded that others conform to their version of the truth. With clergy acting as keepers of secrets, the cycle of abuse only deepened; the higher up in the church you were, the more protected you seemed to be, while victims were shunned.

My conclusion: It is a cult. No, thank you!