Into early adulthood, the fear of losing people continued to haunt me. After years of letting go and moving on, I clung to friendships I didn’t want to abandon because I knew all too well how painful abandonment could feel. We shared a bond shaped by trauma, and I genuinely cared for them, wanting the best for us all. But looking back, there were friendships I should have walked away from long ago. As time passed, some of these connections became so toxic that I eventually had to end them suddenly, leaving me with a deep sense of loss and sadness for everything those friendships once were. Some of those friends are no longer here today, their lives cut short by their own struggles.

These were long-term friendships, people I had known for years. Some connections were one-sided, where I poured in energy, advice, and time, while they only reached out when they needed something from me. Other friendships were volatile at times or involved friends who used substances, which complicated our bond. Holding onto these relationships added to my depression, leading me to close myself off from the people who genuinely cared.

Holding onto these toxic connections, I poured time and effort into relationships that ultimately took more than they gave and distanced me from truly meaningful bonds. These friendships drained my energy and left me emotionally shut down, even toward those who truly mattered.

Now, I’m working on changing that. I’m learning to prioritize relationships where we nurture and support each other, even if it means letting go of connections that don’t offer that same balance and facing the discomfort of loss. I’ve come to realize that while connection is risky, it’s also what makes life rich and meaningful. And maybe, just maybe, the right relationships, those that give as much as they take, are worth the risk.